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Contact Partner: Your Contact Partner – An Important Choice Your Contact Partner will be the person you engage to help you with your Birthmom search. This person will usually be the first and ongoing contact with your Birthmom (or with a member of her support network). To avoid emotional and/or legal complications, it is best that you select a Contact Partner that has been involved in adoptions before. You will want to select a person that has experience in the questions to ask a Birthmom, how to ask them, and how to answer questions she asks. For this reason, someone from your adoption agency (or your adoption attorney) is usually the best choice for this role. Other possible persons playing this role might include an adoption counselor or a trusted family doctor.
Selecting your agency’s representative or your adoption attorney as your Contact Partner has distinct advantages. Your Contact Partner will be determining the Birthmom’s requirements regarding medical needs, legal needs, housing needs, etc. Because there are legal limitations to the type and extent of assistance you may provide, your agency or attorney representative will be able to provide accurate answers and information.
Usually a Birthmom who calls to inquire about you does not want to talk with you immediately. She first wants to "test the waters" by talking with a third party. Your Contact Partner is the perfect person.Because the Birthmom is not speaking directly with you, she will be more comfortable asking sensitive questions. She will be very concerned with how well you (as an adopting couple) have been screened. She will be very interested in a third party’s perspective on your character.She will be very interested in your state’s Home Study process as it is one of the only ways she will know that her child is going to a safe and secure home. Your Contact Partner will need to be ready to answer these questions. When selecting your Contact Partner, also consider "accessibility". Be sure to select a person that will be available at least during normal business hours. But remember, Birthmoms have concerns and questions 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, so your Contact Partner will need to be very accessible.Handling Your Birthmoms With Care Finally, by the time that first birthmom requests to learn more about you by speaking with your Contact Partner, you will have instructed your Contact Partner in what to say and what not say. You will want your Contact Partner to carefully request as much non-identifying information as possible from the Birthmom, making sure to keep each of your identities confidential. As well, your Contact Partner must not make any promises to the Birthmom. As you begin this exploratory process, it starts with simple, non-identifying information sharing. Each birthmom will be different, and each will have different needs. Your Contact Partner must pay close attention to understand these needs. Some Birthmoms will need food assistance, or housing. Some will need medical assistance and/or counseling. Your Contact Partner must be able to provide the Birthmom with solutions to these needs. For all of these reasons, your agency or attorney representative should be your Contact Partner. |
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