Adoption Tolerances - Difficult but Important Decisions

Adoption tolerances represent decisions each adopting parent must make and agree to PRIOR to being placed in the emotionally charged “adoption birth” situation. These tolerances include health issues of the Birthmom and child, your threshold for “openness” of your adoption, and your tolerance for financial commitments.

You must openly discuss the following issues together and come to some agreement as to your “adoption tolerances”. 

Financial Tolerances

Your adoption will probably cost between $10,000 and $50,000. Of course this is only an educated guess on my part. I encourage you to set an upper limit as to how much you are willing to spend on your adoption.

Adoption (either with an agency or with a private attorney) is an expensive undertaking. Just how expensive will depend on many variable costs and fees that will differ from one couple’s adoption to another. But listed below are several of the potential costs that should be considered “possible” with a private adoption.

As you prepare your budget, be sure to determine:

• How much money will need to be held for your attorney?
• Will your home need expensive preparation for the nursery? How much?
• What will be the source of the financing: savings, family, pre-approved loan?

General Adoption Expenses:

• Agency fees.
• Home Study fees.
• Federal and State Government fees.
• Note: Usually a healthy Caucasian newborn/infant costs more than adopting a child of other races, or a child with special needs.
• For special needs children, state or federal subsidies may be available to help reduce costs. For information, contact your state's adoption office found in the Department of Human Resources/Services or Department of Welfare.
• Consider the costs of an out of state birth. This could include:
  • A second attorney and court costs in the other state.
  • Travel for your family to the state where the Birthmom is giving birth (airline or automobile costs, lodging, food, and other travel expenses).
  • You must consider that you will be in the other state for at least a week and perhaps more, concluding all the necessary legal work and processing.
• There may also be the costs of loss of pay to the Birthmom and temporary housing for the Birthmom, during the last trimester of her pregnancy.

Medical Expenses:

• Ask your attorney for their experience of expected medical expenses from other adopting families. For your state and situation, estimates will differ.
• Medical expenses will differ if the Birthmom has insurance or is on welfare.
• Consider the estimated costs of a normal vaginal birth verses a C-section, possible complications including low-birth weight, or illness, hospital stays, doctor's fees and other costs. 
• Other medical expenses could be for extensive counseling for the Birthmom.

Attorney Fees:

• Discuss with your attorney his/her fees. This would include a possible retainer (a few hundred dollars at most), hourly fees, expenses (travel, office supplies, etc.), court costs, etc.
• Court costs and filing fees
• Discuss the possibility of an out-of-state adoption, and find out if you can use your attorney, or will a second attorney from the adopting state need to be hired? Inquire about fees that would apply for Interstate adoptions.
• Attorneys’ fees can run from $2,000 - $5,000 for legal expenses at an hourly rate ranging from $125 to $250 per hour. These fees, while steep, are worth every penny to insure a “bullet-proof” legal adoption.
• Your attorney will play the role of “financial middle-man” coordinating and guaranteeing the medical and legal fee payments for services provided to the Birthmom and child. If your adoption is more “closed” than “open”, using your attorney in this way will help with the non-disclosure of your identity.
• You may be asked to place funds in the firm’s escrow account. This could be as much as $5,000 - $7,500. Because your attorney will also play the “financial middleman”, he will need access to funds as bills come due. Remember, if birth complications occur (C-Section, low birth weight, etc.), additional funds may need to be placed in the escrow fund.

Home Preparation:

• Cost of nursery
• …Preparing a room (door baby locks, outlet plugs, etc.)
• …Remodeling a room (paint, wall paper, window coverings, etc.)
• …List new furniture needed (crib, changing table, rocking chair, etc.)
• Adding a new room(s) onto your home.
• Moving to a new, larger home.

Search Expenses for Finding your Perfect Birthmom

• Throughout the Members.JourneyToAdoption.com site, I have included many ways to help reduce the cost of finding your Birthmom. These ways include money-savings ideas and ways to ask others to help fund your search. Read carefully the section on your Inner Circle to discover exactly what I’m talking about.

Ways to Reduce your Adoption Costs

Employer Assistance and Tax Relief:

• Check with your employer to see if you both would benefit from tax relief passed letting you receive up to $5,000 in adoption reimbursements from them, for qualified adoption expenses. For you this is doubly nice because you do not need to treat it as income.
• Recent changes to U.S. tax code may provide tax credits for “qualified adoption expenses” for children adopted after January 1, 1997. Check with your accountant. Families with higher incomes may not qualify.

Insurance:

• More and more often now, insurance companies are covering (to some degree) adoption expenses as they do with traditional pregnancies. Investigate to what degree your healthcare insurance will cover adoptions.
• Check to see if your policy has a waiting period that may leave your child uninsured for a period of time. In other words, check when coverage will start…
  • at birth
  • at the time of assignment of responsibility (custody)
  • upon the Birthmom’s signing
  • at time of hospital release
  • at time of finalization (which is usually several months after you take custody).

From your attorney, determine if the Birthmom has her own insurance to offset the medical bills prior to coverage of your new adopted child.

Maintain Accurate Records

Be sure to secure ALL receipts for hospital services, doctors’ bills, emergency room physicians, and ambulance expenses, etc. Also, acquire an exact accounting of hours your attorney (and the out-of-state attorney) spent on your case. REVIEW ALL your bills with the preverbal “fine tooth comb” to verify your invoices.

Keeping excellent records will also help when you apply for employer assistance and tax relief (see above).

Remember… because it is illegal to “buy a baby”, you are only obligated to pay for ACTUAL services provided. There can be no "finder's fee" or "misc. charges" that would drastically increase the cost of your adoption.